Haunted House Is Coming to Tyler Cinemas. Let’s Not Welcome It

by admin on January 11, 2013

in Tyler Businesses

Hey Tyler, I have an idea! Let’s all get together and not see the new Wayan’s brothers venture entitled “Haunted House.” Admittedly, I generally focus my writing at Tyler TX Directory, on business and cultural interests, but today I felt the need to address the absence of culture, or one example of it. Now in the interest of full disclosure, I have nothing but contempt for just about every artistic venture this particular Hollywood family has put forth; from the classic film “White Chicks,” through the entire cannon of “Scary Movies,” to the kindergarten scribbles they stuck to their mother’s fridge. Wayan’s films are to popular culture what cheese whiz, hostess cupcakes and spam are to nutrition. So why do I hold these cinematic masters in such low esteem? My reasons cannot really be numbered, but here are a couple.

First off, the lack of talent necessary to take already existing movie scripts, and make them… “funny,” is well, very little. Parodies practically write themselves! It’s frankly, very closely akin to what Weird Al Yankovic does with music. But at least he actually has to play the instruments. And by the way, I detest Weird Al too. Secondly, I can always count on the fact that I’ll hear from Jr. High and High School students about how hilarious these movies are, when in fact it’s the same old recycled nonsense re-masticated and spit out about once a year.

In this latest crime against humanity, a couple move into a new home only to find that it’s haunted. Of course the male character is concerned the supernatural presence may interfere with the course of domestic relations between he and his wife / girlfriend / cohabitation partner, (whichever is in vogue). As if that’s his biggest concern these days, and I strongly suspect that it shouldn’t be, he turns to the very unfunny, Cedric the not- so entertaining, (who by the way, has made a career recently of misrepresenting clergymen), to exercise the presence. Hilarity is then scheduled to ensue, but never does. And that’s about it for the plot.

The mortar between the bricks of elements that completely fail to hold this two hour sitcom together is the vulgarity and crudeness that already permeate the movie industry. The only difference is the total lack of artistry or humor. I’m not the least bit interested in, or amused by, a supposed adult engaging in an immoral relationship with a stuffed bear.

So what do you say Tyler? For our part, let’s send this film to the local dollar theater where it can hold fourth place behind Dances with Wolves, Farris Bueller’s Day Off, and Dirty Dancing. Almost nothing would give me greater satisfaction.

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