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Mark Zuckerberg’s Letter to Potential Investors

May 17th, 2012

Who said silly can’t be used in business writing?

On the evening of the Facebook IPO, Founder and CEO Mark Zuckerberg published the following letter to potential investors:

Dear Potential Investor:

For years, you’ve wasted your time on Facebook. Now here’s your chance to waste your money on it, too.

Tomorrow is Facebook’s IPO, and I know what some of you are thinking. How will Facebook be any different from the dot-com bubble of the early 2000’s?

For one thing, those bad dot-com stocks were all speculation and hype, and weren’t based on real businesses. Facebook, on the other hand, is based on a solid foundation of angry birds and imaginary sheep.

Second, Facebook is the most successful social network in the world, enabling millions to share information of no interest with people they barely know.

Third, every time someone clicks on a Facebook ad, Facebook makes money. And while no one has ever done this on purpose, millions have done it by mistake while drunk. We totally stole this idea from iTunes.

Finally, if you invest in Facebook, you’ll be far from alone. As a result of using Facebook for the past few years, over 900 million people in the world have suffered mild to moderate brain damage, impairing their ability to make reasoned judgments. These will be your fellow Facebook investors.

With your help, if all goes as planned tomorrow, Facebook’s IPO will net $100 billion. To put that number in context, it would take JP Morgan four or five trades to lose that much money.

One last thing: what will, I, Mark Zuckerberg, do with the $18 billion I’m expected to earn from Facebook’s IPO? Well, I’m considering buying Greece, but that would still leave me with $18 billion. LOL.

Friend me,

Mark

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The New “Romeo and Juliet” Law in Texas

June 7th, 2011

A new law has just been passed in Texas that is sure to ruffle some feathers, particularly for social conservatives. Really it’s more of an amendment to existing law and I’m not sure where I stand on this one. It’s been nicknamed the Romeo and Juliet law. It basically lowers the age of consent for teenagers from eighteen to fifteen and protects the consensual partner from prosecution on statutory rape charges, through the age of nineteen. Here’s the upside: under the current law, anyone who had sex in high school or immediately out of school who happened to be at least eighteen and had sex with a younger student could be prosecuted and wind up on the state sex offender list indefinitely. Obviously, this precludes him or her from all kinds of work, and will follow the offender where ever they go. It also inflates the sex offender numbers making it difficult to distinguish a potential threat from someone who merely made a mistake as an adolescent.

We’ve all heard horror stories about young people being put on the state’s list, despite eventually marrying their “victims.” I don’t know how often that kind of thing happens, but I don’t deem anyone who had sex as an adolescent to be a threat to my loved ones. Of course many social conservatives (with whom I often agree mind you), will argue that this merely continues to make society more permissive. Now, I’m willing to be taken to task on this but, I really don’t think this legal change is going to result in increased promiscuity. How many teens are really holding off on sex due to the threat of prosecution? All the new law really does is highlight the unfortunate lais·sez-faireapproach to sexuality that is predominate in our society. It’s not government’s job to inculcate values into our families. An old governmental principle states that a leader should never make a law he is unable to enforce. That’s what the statutory rape laws had become, largely unenforceable. As I see it, all the state of Texas did, was make the law enforceable.

Its Rapture Day Today… Again!

May 21st, 2011

The Rapture

I was shocked and amazed to awaken this morning on Planet Earth! I fully expected to be “raptured” sometime after midnight! I mean, I had it on good authority that my salvation was absolutely assured! What could have happened? Well a Christian apocalyptic group using the website http://www.familyradio.com has been predicting the rapture, and subsequent end of the world beginning today May 21st, 2011. Their webpage is unequivocal about the date. How did they arrive at it? Well let’s see if I can explain it… “By careful study of the Bible we learn that in the year 4990 B.C. God brought a flood of water and destroyed the entire earth except for eight people and the animals that were with them.” Wait how exactly did we arrive at this date? Well, careful study of course! I for one am now convinced! The author then falls back on an old theological parlor trick. He cites the oft maligned verse “to God a day is as a thousand years, and a thousand years is as a day…” which, as my brother vehemently points out, is a metaphor for the mercy of God and actually has nothing whatever to do with time. The misinterpretation is very useful to end-timers however, who turn and point out that creation took six days, and on the seventh day God rested, meaning of course that creation, and his work, was complete. Anyway, if you take the rock hard unquestionable date of the flood, 4990 BC, add the current date 2011, subtract a year for the year zero, (evidently God was fine with the random subtraction of an entire year), and abracadabra! 7,000 years!

Ok, so I realize I may be oversimplifying a bit, but honestly, not much. I should also add that the pastor behind these claims has made them before. He also stated in 1994 that the end had come. Come to find out, it hadn’t! He later corrected his mistake by explaining it was just the end of the age of the church. All our pastors and priests have been under satanic direction since 94. Who knew?! But wait.. isn’t he ah… a Pastor? I’m confused. Well its only late morning after all, so Rapture Day is still young. A friend offered me the encouragement that we actually have until 6:00 this afternoon so… of course she was still here too, so I’m not real sure what to do with that. Oh well Jesus can come back whenever he wants as far as I’m concerned. I think I’ll go ahead with my evening plans. If I suddenly find the scenery changing, so be it. That should be fun too!

Hollywood Theater

October 28th, 2010
Hollywood Theater Tyler Texas

Hollywood Theater Tyler Texas

Every time I drive by Hollywood I am always surprised that there are cars there. Honestly, I am shocked that they are still in business. The theater used to be the popular place to go see a movie. Maybe that is because at one time it was the only theater. I remember the first time I walked into Hollywood theater as a young child. I was blown away by the large screen in the lobby and the colorful carpet. The screens used to be the largest I had seen. And the quality of film was great. Sadly nothing has changed.

As all the other theaters have changed to using digital projectors, Hollywood Theaters still uses the old film. The movies get sent to the theater in about five different reels of film. The projectionist puts the film together into one really large reel by using a strong tape. This process can be pretty easy but it is also easy to make a mistake. If you ever have been to the theater and all of a sudden the film turns upside down, whoever had put together the film, taped the reels wrong and did not match up the pictures on the reels. Also you may have been to the theater and the film jumps and all a sudden you can only see the top part of the movie because it is not centered, this is a very common mistake that is made. In-between reels the projectionist left a small gap. Even the smallest mistake in taping can make the movie messed up. But it is not very hard to correct these mistakes, it is just time consuming. When using digital movies these annoying mistakes do not happen and it makes the movie so much more enjoyable. Digital movies are so clear and you do not have to worry about complaining to a manager that your movie screen is just white.

One of the first things that you do when you walk into the theater is spend twenty dollars on popcorn, drinks, and candy. If you are spending so much money on snacks you want to get the best for your money. At one point the theater’s snack counter had the customer scoop the butter for your popcorn with a giant spoon out of an open hot container. This is in no way clean or sanitary.

Although there are a lot of issues at Hollywood Theater, my biggest issue is the nasty seats. The last time I had thought about going there I was about to bring trash bags to sit on. Usually the lights are really dim so that you can not see what you are about to sit in. The seats look like they are covered in a black tar. Every time I have gone to see a movie here I feel like I have to go home and take a shower and I can not enjoy the movie. The only thing that the employees do between show times is throw trash away and sometimes do a quick sweep. The floor is always sticky and the whole place has a weird smell.

At Hollywood Theater you can not enjoy your movie. You are paying all this money to feel frustrated and grossed out. Hollywood needs to get their chairs cleaned and their employees need to learn how to mop the floor. I may one day return to the theater if they start showing movies using digital projectors, and when they learn how to clean, but for now I will stick to going to the other two theaters in Tyler.

Pizza Hut

October 20th, 2010

Lindale has opened a walk in Pizza Hut. I really like the pizza here. Pizza Hut has great pizza and is known for their great selection of pizza crust. Although I really like the pizza and food here I was greatly disappointed the first time that I had gotten pizza from the Lindale Pizza Hut. When I walked into the small store with my sister I saw a small red sign under the cash register that said tat if the employee does not offer to show the costumer their pizza before they hand it over, the costumer will get their pizza for free. We ordered our pizza and the young man behind the counter only had to deal with a couple phone calls and one other costumer besides us. We had about twenty minutes to spare before our order was done. We walked around the stores next to Pizza Hut, such as, Cato and Katie’s. When we came back the pizza was ready to go. The young employee handed us our pizza and did not offer to open the box and show us our order. I pointed out the sign and some what jokingly said that we should get our pizza for free. The employee got really upset that I would call him out on his mistake. I really was not going to make him to give it to me until he got mad at me and claimed that he was extremely busy (there was no one else in the store at this point) and it was wrong that I point out the policy. We ended up just walking out with our pizza and not getting it for free. I should of went back and complained but I knew that my family may have been annoyed when I brought back cold pizza. I was really frustrated that the employee gave such attitude. I like Pizza Hut pizza, but next time I go to Pizza Hut and the employee does not show me the pizza before handing it over, I will ask to get my pizza for free, no matter what excuse the employee gives me