From the infamous “Bible Code,” to “Testa-mints,” to Christian theme parks, the marketing world’s attempt to create products for a Christian audience runs the gambit from cheesy, to down right, insulting. And the biggest disappointment in the whole thing is that there are Christians willing to support any hair brained venture that appeals to their Christian identity. The most recent product to shamelessly try to profit on the public’s faith is Wholetones.
Wholetones was created by… oops sorry, discovered by Michael S. Tyrell, “renowned musician,” (renowned for what I can’t begin to imagine), “author and speaker,” and young Yanni lookalike. On his site wholetones.com Micheal S. delves deep into history (ahem) in order to illustrate the mood altering power of music. Something he didn’t have to do since anyone who’s had any contact at all with adolescents can already attest to the fact.
Here’s the jig: His Yanni-ness claims that he has discovered musical tones and frequencies that “Promote healing, break negative cycles, and restore sound sleep…” Isn’t that the nearly exact same claim made by the magnetic energy Power Balance Bracelet Company? And here’s the great part; the new age composer has such complete mastery of his newly discovered frequencies that he can actually prescribe particular tunes to treat particular ailments! For instance, according to the “Wholetones Review,” (which was written by the author apparently, making it anything but a real review), song one is “beneficial for Healing and helps support good organ function.” Song two helps with energy and creativity, and so on in that fashion through song seven. By the way, my favorite would actually be song seven which is “meant to be a purely spiritual and celebratory song.” I feel like I’m actually insulting my reader when I point out that all of these supposed benefits are completely unquantifiable through any scientific process!
The same review lists the pros and cons of the… what treatment?… program? The pros are of course effusive even claiming “a host of relationship benefits, such as forgiveness, awareness, and love.” It’s a wonder the Maestro stopped short of promising you’ll find that special someone. Not since “Wild Stallions,” of Bill & Ted’s fame has one musician or band held so much promise! But the cons of Wholetones are telling. “Resistance to the music may make it less beneficial because the mind and body will be resistant to the frequencies.” So if you know the sugar pills you’re taking are just sugar, they may not cure your headache!
If the reader needs anymore reason to doubt the Yanni-licious claims of Wholetones, let’s talk about the ever so attractive religious marketing approach being applied. First off throwing in the occasional scripture verse is not enough to insure a scriptural pedigree. The devil himself can quote scripture. Guru Tyrell thinks… yes thinks, he has discovered the same frequencies that King David, used to calm King Saul. Ok… let that set in for a minute. Read it again if necessary. I have no idea whatever, how he could possibly validate that but then that’s kinda the point isn’t it? “I am convinced that God had given these frequencies to King David…” Ok well so long as YOUR convinced, who’s going to tell you different? He then goes on to recite the story of his mother’s healing through the use of new age cords, all the while incorporating just enough Christianese to appeal to confused evangelical believers.
Don’t be fooled gentle reader. This is just the next trend in new aged feel- goodism, designed to appeal to people of faith. But for those who are either determined to believe in Dalai Tyrell’s Wholetones, or for those who think I’m exaggerating, feel free to visit the following site and get it right from the well… horse’s mouth: https://wholetones.com/opz/2 or http://healthyandfitzone.com/wholetones-review .