Almost a year ago I wrote an article for this directory entitled; “Adult Preschool and the Death of Healthy Shame.” It was on a new and disturbing trend in which seemingly normal, healthy adults choose to pay an obscene amount of money to participate in activities like finger painting, playing dress- up, and taking naps. Well now there’s an even creepier trend embracing dysfunction. They’re called cuddle parties and no, it’s not what you think… but I have no idea why or how it’s not what you think.
The cuddle party participants (and it is my deepest hope never to have to use those words again), are presumably the same type of folks who would attend an adult preschool. The group making the most news in recent weeks is based (which is probably too militaristic sounding for these people) in Minneapolis, Minnesota. The MN “chapter,” meets monthly, at the cost of twenty dollars a head mind you. Evidently they spread out blankets and approach each other asking permission to touch… [oh lord, I think I’m going to be sick… sorry… ok I’m back.] So anyway couples or pairs or groups or whatever, begin the process of cuddling… [breath…] only after receiving permission. By the end of the night the attendees take part in an activity they call the “silverware drawer.” This activity, (I can’t say the name again) involves laying on the floor entangled with the other members of this ad hoc pajama party, all of whom are potentially strangers. How is any of this in any way safe or healthy?! Where I to envision any way on earth or in hell that I were forced to attend something like this, (and I can’t) it would be impossible for me to get through the entire experience without striking someone!
The “Facilitator” claims that while all of this sounds potentially sexual, it’s actually not. It’s merely the hang- ups of society that impose those impressions on an otherwise basic human need for contact. Isn’t that essentially the same argument used to justify so- called recreational nudity?
But it gets worse. I’ve seen no less than two stories in the last couple of months, about college co-eds who get paid up to eighty dollars an hour to cuddle with strangers. In each case the woman in question insists that her services are not in fact sexual and they go out of their way to prevent misunderstandings… How?!… Never mind. If anyone out there wants to give me fifty bucks for a purely platonic hug, let me know. I think we can probably work something out. Better yet, you want a hug something? get a pet, a stuffed animal or even a pillow! Or try seeking out an actual healthy human relationship!
All of this goes to illustrate the disconnected, uncommitted and generally confused nature of our society. Chesterton taught us to be open to everything is to be open to nothing. When all relationships are intimate none of them are. Our society is dying of thirst in the middle of an oasis. Love, physical and otherwise, is not a commodity to be exchanged. All this fake affection simply can’t take the place of the genuine article.